Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Nighttime Reflection

Sam's not the only one needing a nap.  Jason and I are finding ourselves particularly run down these days, and I think it's partly because we're both starting to feel nervous about driving Sam back to Children's Hospital in less than a week.

As I mentioned in a recent post, Sam has to undergo a heart catheterization next Monday to help expand a few parts of his heart that are too small. Although nobody seems particularly optimistic about this procedure working, we're really, really hoping that it will save him from more drastic measures in the near future (by "more drastic measures" I mean open heart surgery, moving to a lower altitude, and/or heart transplant).  But we're trying not to jump too far ahead of ourselves.  As the doctors have wisely taught us, we can't get caught up with the "what if's" of the future because there is an avalanche of variables.  Instead, we try to focus on just today, and as it turns out, that's plenty.

I used to spend hours lying awake at night, frantically plotting out the different paths that Sam's life (and ours) could take.  But I had to knock that off because it was turning me into a crazy lady who muttered to herself and forgot things, like feeding the cats and brushing her hair.

So now, my nighttime routine looks more like this:

11:00 pm: Give Sam his meds
11:10 pm: Make Sam's bottles for the next day and set up overnight feed
11:20 pm: Kiss Sam goodnight and say thanks to the world for letting me have this day with him
11:30 pm: Sleep like a rock (for at least a few hours)

It's actually pretty peaceful, just reflecting on the day instead of projecting all the tomorrows.

Thanks to all of you for helping keep us sane.  And a very special thank you to my sister, Stephanie, and her husband and two boys for watching Sam last Friday so that Jason and I could go on a date.  It was the best birthday present (aside from the Keurig) that you could have given me.

Before I start up the nighttime routine for this evening, I have one more important piece of news: Sam has a new winter jacket/snowsuit that makes him look like a tiny polar bear. Good night :)


  1. Sam is a precious, precious boy; and I thank God that He has blessed you with Sam. Praying that the heart cath does what is hoped and that Sam will not need the open heart surgery and you will not need to move. NKL

  2. Sam as a polar bear got me out of bed this morning...he is so stinking cute!

  3. I love the polar bear. You have an incredible fighter and you have to believe in his strength. We are thinking of all of you and wishing you the best.

  4. I still pray for Sam! Let us all know how the procedure goes!
    Kendall in Oklahoma

  5. I (along with 48 other girls on my floor) will be praying for Sam on Sunday night before the procedure at my floor's bible study. You all are incredible fighters. An illness is an incredibly draining experience on everyone involved and I am amazed by your constant strength. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. Kristin and Jason,
    I love getting your updates and love reading about your beautiful son. i can't wait to see him and baby max (who i know, isn't such a baby any more) in person together soon!
    good luck monday- we are thinking of you!
    jennie miller (and jonathan and sydney)

  7. Dear Kristin and Jason,

    What a blessing it has been for me to be a small part of Sam's life the past few months. I really do feel like an honorary Grandma, and I will keep all of you close to my heart on Monday. Our little polar bear is a fighter, and I can't wait to see all of you soon!

    Love, Marlys

  8. Prayers today and everyday, Hang in there Sammie.


  9. Those full lips and mischievous eyes are beyond cute! Praying Sam keeps his "beating the odds" record rolling--keep posting--with pictures! Pam